What I Wish I Knew

"I think you should move out", he said, after I'd unpacked the last box in our new home. 

Three years ago, we were saying “I do” on a cliff overlooking the ocean. Then he met someone younger, my marriage ended, and 10 years plus my future dreams disappeared in one single evening.

What surprised me wasn’t the heartbreak. It was how rudderless I felt. 

After 20 years as a spiritual healer, I thought I'd bounce back quickly. And in many ways, I did. By month three, I was functioning again. I'd travelled alone through Mexico, Thailand, Cambodia, and Japan. I climbed Mount Fuji.

I was reinventing myself...again. But this time was different. The breakup absolutely shattered me- nothing compared to the devastation I felt.

What helped me get over him wasn’t time. It was understanding how to rebuild identity- something I had already done a few times before, after: a spiritual awakening, an inter-continental move, a health emergency, and a major career change.

This assessment was born from these experiences. It's what I wish someone had handed me a decade ago when I was performing "fine" at brunch but falling apart at home.

You don’t need more generic advice about “moving on.”

You need clarity on where you are actually stuck so you can finally shift gears. 

-Debra